Licking my wounds
Being an intuitive healer, I get to be in my heart centre and operate from there mostly, but this wasn’t always the case for me. I come from an Asian upbringing, and although my parents weren’t “Tiger parents”, it just isn’t in our culture to talk about our feelings and we take a very pragmatic approach towards life. For a good 12 years after graduating with a business degree, I was focused on “Making it”. I worked hard and made my mark in the corporate arena. I was completely and utterly in my head. Spent a tremendous amount of my time analyzing research and data to draw insights, to then develop strategies and plans for the future. So when I got asked the question one day by a client who was working on getting out of his head, “How did you get out of your head?” I found myself dumbfounded, it has become so natural for me to drop into my heart space that I don’t really know how I got out of my head in the first place. I gave an answer, but that question ruminated in my mind for days. As I ponder and reflected on my journey, I realized it wasn’t a moment or an event that I could point to. It was a process, a journey that began with the first step to surrender to the fact that I needed to heal myself. For a very busy mind, this was extremely difficult, because my thoughts get really loud! Running through possibilities, scenarios, making sense of everything and I get so caught up with the noise of my thoughts, it is virtually impossible to hear anything else. Going back and forth between past experiences and projecting what would happen in the future, but never ever in the present. Never connected to the moment. But somewhere amongst the noise, I heard a soft cry from within that I had wounds within myself that needed healing. After having my 2nd child and uprooting my whole family from Malaysia to Australia, I was in a lot of mess and although never diagnosed, I suffered from postnatal depression coupled with high functioning anxiety. My boy was only 4 months old when we moved, I was breastfeeding, my 4-year-old daughter was entering a new child care centre, we were trying to find out footing in this new land, and to top that off, I was very sleep-deprived and exhausted. There was a lot going on. But because I was “FINE” and I had “EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL”, I was blind-sighted and ignored all the signs despite my body was screaming for help. My poor husband who got the brunt of it, had to hold me down, told me loud and clear I needed help. I surrendered! I waved my white flag! I HAD to surrender! But I was in a new environment, I had no idea where to go. Help was presented to me through a new friend I met at group training. After one of our weekly workouts, I gathered my courage to ask for help. She gave me the number of her practitioner, and slowly the healing journey began. I saw other practitioners from there, read books, attended courses, workshops and I did a lot of inner work and introspection. I took time to discover my wounds. It is in those moments, I put my ego aside, quieten my mind, drop all expectations and connected with the present moment, my body and my heart. Little did I know, that it was slowly creating the pathway to my intuition, my inner guidance. The journey back to my heart began when I surrendered, gave myself space and permission to lick my wounds and heal.